Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas
by Emiko2
Summary: Draco's parents decide to arrange a marriage... with Pansy Parkinson! Many failed Cunning Plans ensue, involving Potions class, snogging, and several more engagements. No specific pairing, other than some hinted-at D/Hr.
1. Default Chapter

Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas By: Emiko  
  
~~~  
  
The usual quiet of the Slytherin common room was broken by a sound similar to a shriek of disgust, but will not be called such for who uttered it. It was Draco Malfoy, and he was going through his mail. We'll call it a wail of discontent, to be both gentle towards Draco and at least partially honest towards the action he administered.  
  
Sifting through what he received by owl earlier that day, he noticed amidst the encouraging pile of anonymous love letters, a letter from his father. Upon seeing it, he tossed the love letters aside (he hadn't planned on reading them, anyway) and ripped it open.  
  
"Dear Draco,  
  
"Being as you are now sixteen, and nearly a man, your mother and I have come to notice the fact that you have never, even once, mentioned anything about having a girlfriend, significant other, or potential wife. As a Malfoy your are required to uphold the family honor, by increasing its already vast fortune, marrying well, and producing an heir. We worry that because of your utter failure to do so thus far, even in terms of finding a girlfriend, you will not be able to do so in the coming years.  
  
"We have chosen a fiancée for you do to your incompetence. She is a Slytherin, from a well-off family, and, of course, a pure-blood. Her name is Pansy Parkinson, and her parents have already agreed to the marriage and informed their daughter of it. I trust you to acquaint yourself with Miss Parkinson, being as she is in the same House and year as you are, and treat her respectfully. After all, you two will be spending quite some time together.  
  
"Your father,  
  
"Lucius Malfoy"  
  
It was then that Draco shrieked -er, gasped loudly in discontent. How dare he. How dare he!! And about his showing no signs of having a girlfriend... He glanced at the stacks of unopened love letters. It certainly wasn't like he wasn't getting any offers! Draco simply liked the idea of being worshipped and adored much better than the idea of being attached to someone, that was all. And he really was much further along than his father thought in other areas as well, if you counted certain escapades in the Astronomy Tower.  
  
Another shriek -this time one that can clearly be defined as such of excitement- was heard coming from the girls dormitories. Draco's heart sunk to his feet as Pansy herself emerged from her room, smiling like she'd won the lottery. "Draco, guess what? I've just got a letter from my parents-"  
  
"No," Draco cut her off, deadpan but secretly terrified. "No, no, no, no, no. It's all a figment of your twisted imagination. It's a sick joke being played on you by your parents. It's a lie. It'll never, never happen. I'd sooner marry Hermione Granger."  
  
Before she could reply, he stalked out of the common room and locked himself in his room.  
  
~~~  
  
Draco didn't come out again until hours later, when Pansy had long given up on pawing at his door. He carried a bag of Floo Powder in one hand and a traveling cloak in the other. He threw a fistful of powder into the fireplace, threw the cloak around his shoulders, and threw himself into the fireplace.  
  
"Malfoy Manor!" he almost-yelled, and in a dizzying, dirty whoosh of air, he appeared in his parlor fireplace. He shook the soot from himself, making sure to make as much of a mess as possible, and stomped off to find his father. He liked making so much noise up and down the corridors. It made him more assured he was being paid attention to. His father would surely reprimand him later for it, but Draco was too angry to care.  
  
He threw open the doors to the library, kicking at a house-elf who had come to clean the last bits of soot off his boots as he walked. "Father?" he called. "Father, I know you're here!"  
  
Lucius Malfoy emerged from the study on the opposite end of the room. He looked tired, unamused, and anything but willing to deal with his son at the moment. "Yes, Draco?" he said anyway, as if it was perfectly normal for the boy to return home in the middle of a school term.  
  
"What," Draco waved the Letter in the air, "Is the meaning of this?"  
  
"Exactly as it implies," Lucius replied. "You are now betrothed to Pansy Parkinson. And stop waving your arms like that, you look like a git."  
  
"I do not look like a git. I'll look like a massive git tomorrow when the whole school knows that you're forcing me to marry Pansy Parkinson." Draco was growing hysterical. "Father! Pansy Parkinson!? Couldn't you have used just a little discretion? I would have much rather had Blaise Zabini or something, but no! You had to pick the slimiest, ugliest piece of-"  
  
Lucius, now standing next to Draco, hit him smartly over the head with his cane. It effectively shut him up for an entire three seconds.  
  
"Father, have you ever actually seen this girl? There are rumors going around the girls' dormitories that she's not really a girl at all. She's absolutely disgusting!"  
  
"We were able to see quite a few baby pictures..." Narcissa Malfoy entered the library, hearing all the loud noises and immediately recognizing that Draco was home. "She was a very cute baby."  
  
"She certainly grew out of that quickly enough."  
  
Narcissa ignored Draco's last comment and swept over to him. "Draco, darling, you've got soot in your hair," she said, and started brushing it out with her fingers.  
  
"So you really haven't seen her," Draco continued, not bothered a bit by his mother fussing over him. "For your sakes, at least, that's a good thing. You don't have to see how sickening she is every day. She's in my House! It's horrible just having to look at her! I mean, it was bad enough having to take her to the Yule Ball, but I waited too long to ask anyone else, and it would've been shameful to go stag."  
  
"It's already been decided, Draco," Lucius said, tired of his son's complaints. "There's nothing that can be done about it."  
  
"I've comprised a list of reasons why I should not have to marry Pansy," Draco went on, ignoring his father completely and pulling out a piece of parchment with a flourish. "One: I'm much, much prettier than her. True, I'm a Malfoy and all, but it's still just not right. Two: She's much, much uglier than I am. This goes without saying, due to Number One. Three: She has the personality of a toad. Four: She has bad breath. Five: Being the Hottest Guy in School, I have a duty to -oh, by the way, Mother, Teen Witch Weekly named me the Handsomest Underage Sex Symbol."  
  
Narcissa beamed. "I'm so proud..."  
  
"Anyway, being the Hottest Guy in School, I have duty to flirt with absolutely every girl worthy of at least flirting with. What would all the girls think if I suddenly had to stop? It's not only unfair to me, but unfair to them, as well."  
  
"All we said you had to do was marry her," Lucius said, not wanting to deal with his son any more. "Do whatever you want, as long as it gets done."  
  
Draco scowled, and pulled out a final piece of parchment. "Number six: I've already proposed to someone."  
  
The announcement was greeted with a shocked silence. "You have?" Narcissa finally asked.  
  
"When, and what did she say?" Lucius asked. "Who is she?"  
  
"Blaise Zabini," Draco said, warming up to his Cunning Plan. "She said yes, of course."  
  
Lucius' eyes darkened. "You have?"  
  
"Yes, I have."  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"I'll ask her to owl you tomorrow."  
  
"Zabini..." Lucius searched his memory. "Is she a pureblood?"  
  
"That's a given."  
  
"And her family?"  
  
"Owns a dozen shops in Diagon Alley, plus a few in Knockturn."  
  
"Hm... Acceptable, I suppose."  
  
"And she's a Slytherin."  
  
Narcissa sighed. "The Parkinsons won't be pleased to hear this."  
  
Lucius glowered at his son. "You do realize that if something should happen between you and this Zabini girl, you'll go back to being engaged to Miss Parkinson."  
  
"Yes, Father." Draco's heart danced with joy.  
  
"And I expect a letter from her telling me of the engagement."  
  
"Yes, Father." Draco's heart promptly stopped dancing. "I'd better... get back to school. Class tomorrow, you know. Heh-heh."  
  
Lucius left for his study again without even a goodbye, assumably to owl the Parkinsons. Narcissa escorted Draco to the parlor -it was as spotless as it was before his arrival, thanks to the house-elves- and sent him off with a box of chocolate liquors to share with Blaise. He practically fell back into the Slytherin common room, and conveniently, into Blaise's lap.  
  
"Good evening, Draco," she said.  
  
Draco paused for only a second. He didn't expect to have to approach her like this, but it was now or never. "Blaise, I have a huge favor to ask you."  
  
"What is it? I was in the middle of my Transfiguration homework."  
  
"I need you to pretend to be my fiancé."  
  
Blaise's Transfiguration book hit the floor.  
  
"This must sound insane, but since it'll be all over the school, anyway..." he hurriedly explained his situation. "...So I told them that I already proposed to you."  
  
"I'm flattered that you thought of me."  
  
Draco didn't bother to tell her that her name was just something he pulled off the top of his head. "All you have to do is write a letter to my parents saying that you're already engaged to me, so I can't possibly be engaged to anyone else."  
  
Blaise dropped the 'I'm-flattered' act. "What's in it for me?"  
  
"Anything you want."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Anything." Draco was desperate.  
  
Blaise flipped her hair and laughed. "I could have fun with this..." She sat back in her chair and thought for what seemed to be an hour. Draco was sweating by the time she spoke again. "If you propose to Hermione Granger in public, and she says yes, then I'll write the letter for you."  
  
Draco blanched. "Granger? She hates me! She's probably the only girl in school who would say no to me!"  
  
"Which is exactly why I chose her."  
  
"Please reconsider. I'd even propose to that idiot Longbottom-"  
  
"It has to be Granger, or no letter."  
  
Draco made a sort of growling noise and ran a hand trough his hair. "You, cruel, devious woman. ...I'll do it."  
  
"Wonderful. Now, go to bed. You'll need your rest for tomorrow. Oh! And don't forget to confess your undying love!" she called after him as he trudged off to his room.  
  
So much for Cunning Plans.  
  
~~~  
  
"Hermione, I'm madly in love with you. Will you marry me?"  
  
"Yes, of course I will!"  
  
Draco's reflection changed from that of one who was ecstatic to a deadpan expression. He turned from the mirror and ran a hand through his hair again. "That was terrible," he said. He looked to the mirror for a well- timed pick-me-up, but it didn't give any. He kicked at one of his bedposts, but that didn't help, either. How could he possibly propose to Granger?  
  
He thought about it for a minute. Blaise expected Draco to make a fool of himself. He'd have to be very sincere in order to get the results he wanted. A new Cunning Plan formed in his head, better, at least in his opinion, than the last one he had.  
  
He glanced in the mirror again. "I'll just have to make sure she'll say yes before I ask her."  
  
"Good work, darling, you're beautiful," piped a female voice. It was the mirror- it finally decided to comment.  
  
"I need a new mirror," Draco said.  
  
~~~  
  
Draco sat back after hours of toil and admired his work. It was surely the most beautifully written anonymous love letter ever written, or at least it was in his opinion, but he was a slightly bias. He even managed to keep most of the heavy Malfoy sarcasm out of it. He read over it once more.  
  
"My Dearest Hermione,  
  
"Please forgive me when I say that I can't reveal my name just yet. If I did, you probably wouldn't believe me when I say that I'm in love with you. Madly in love with you, actually. If I ever found the courage to tell you in person, you would probably laugh in my face and walk off. Hell, if I told anyone how I felt about you, I'd probably end up being laughed at. It's one of those 'Who'd have thought?' things. Don't think me a coward because of it.  
  
"I can't go on in secrecy. Just knowing that I love you, and being able to see you in school isn't enough. Every time I'm near you, I'm forced to pretend that I don't love you like I do. But acting the opposite of how I feel is unbearable. I can't handle not being around you. I want to meet with you in private, but I'm afraid that's impossible right now. However, I want to reveal myself soon.  
  
The roses are from me, of course.  
  
All my love,  
  
Your Secret Admirer.  
  
Oh, yes, it was a pack of lies to be proud of.  
  
~~~ 


	2. Chapter 2

Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas By: Emiko  
  
~~~  
  
When the post arrived the next morning, Draco paid no mind to the flurry of owls surrounding him. He focused on what was going on at the Gryffindor table. Not that he could see much after the roses were delivered to Granger. Potter and a couple of Weasleys obscured his vision for a few minutes, but when they sat down, Granger looked red and thoroughly embarrassed. She had the letter in one hand, and she fingered a rose with the other. She stared at the letter for a very long time, until she realized the owl that delivered it was waiting for a reply. Then she tentatively scribbled something on a piece of parchment and sent it off.  
  
Granger picked at her food until Potter and the tall, not-nearly-as-cute-as- the-younger Weasley pulled her off to class. Now that he noticed, Weasley's face looked about as pink as Granger's for some reason. But then again, he got like that a lot.  
  
Draco waited a few minutes, and then made a mad dash for his dormitory. His owl was there picking at the gourmet owl treats he'd set out for him earlier. The owl spotted him and held out his leg lazily; he waited like it was a chore for Draco to take off the letter attached. Draco practically ripped it from him and read:  
  
"Malfoy,  
  
"You sick freak. It would be a little less obvious that you wrote that letter if you didn't put YOUR FAMILY SEAL on it. How very subtle of you.  
  
"Just what are you playing at? I haven't told Harry or Ron yet (don't worry), but only because I don't have any idea of what you're thinking. What do you want, really?  
  
"Hermione Granger"  
  
Draco folded the letter carefully and slipped it in a pocket in his robes. Granger dotted her i's with little stars. How quaint. Damn her to places mentioned only in Death Eater meetings. How could he be so stupid?  
  
He had two choices. One: Draco could keep on lying to Granger in an attempt to win her heart, upon doing so he would be able to conjure a "yes" out of her. Or, two: Draco could do the easier thing, tell Granger the truth, and hope her Gryffindor "Let's help everybody!" attitude would compel her to help him. The latter sounded easiest. He scribbled a note to her and sent it off to her.  
  
"Meet me alone in Snape's classroom at 11:00 tonight."  
  
"D.M."  
  
With a quick glance after the owl, he ran to class.  
  
~~~  
  
"Lumos."  
  
At the sound of Granger's spell, soft yellow light leapt from her wand, illuminating the previously pitch-black dungeon. Draco stood leaning against a wall with his arms crossed, trying to make a very dashing picture of himself. However, Granger either didn't notice or just didn't bother to pause and drool, because she made an uneasy beeline for him upon sight. Her frizzy hair bounced when she walked.  
  
She had a piece of folded parchment poking out from her pajama (they looked like something a ten-year-old would wear) pocket. He assumed it was his letter.  
  
"'Evening, Granger," Draco said.  
  
"Malfoy." Granger stopped two feet from him. "What's all this about?"  
  
"I figured I should tell you the truth."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "I should hope so. That was quite possibly the most embarrassing thing I've ever had happen to me."  
  
"You haven't lived, Granger. Either that, or I haven't been doing my job."  
  
She glared, and he smirked.  
  
"Buck-tooth."  
  
"Hippogriff chow."  
  
"Idiot bookworm."  
  
"Ferret."  
  
"Ahem. About the letter."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I hope you didn't get your hopes up, because I'm certainly not madly in love with you."  
  
"Well, thank goodness. Why did you send me that letter, then? And the roses?"  
  
"To convince you into falling in love with an anonymous admirer, and then upon that happening proposing to you."  
  
Granger gawked at him. "I-I don't understand."  
  
"If don't successfully propose to you in public, then I shall be doomed to marry Pansy Parkinson," Draco explained solemnly.  
  
She broke down and laughed, and she didn't stop for several seconds. Draco waited very patiently before continuing.  
  
"My parents arranged it, because they apparently think I'm incapable of doing any better on my own."  
  
"But you get a million love letters a day at breakfast!" Granger still couldn't stop giggling.  
  
"Although I have a wide range of young ladies to choose from, I prefer to be adored from afar than go steady with any one girl."  
  
"So, you told your parents you were already engaged to me? ...But I'm Muggle-born."  
  
"Actually, I told them I was already engaged to Blaise Zabini, but she insisted that I had to propose to you before she would agree to write my parents saying that we were engaged."  
  
"She didn't ask for money or anything?"  
  
"Not even the smallest sexual favor. She said she found this method much more entertaining."  
  
"How very devious and cruel."  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"I'm not going along with it, Malfoy."  
  
Draco was surprised at how quickly she answered, when he hadn't even asked anything yet. "You won't?"  
  
"No. I've composed a list of reasons why I would never help you." She pulled the parchment from her pocket, revealing it to be a list. "One: You tried to trick me. How would I know that this isn't another one? Two: Ron and Harry would never approve. I wouldn't be able to tell them the real reason why I'd accept such a thing. Three: You've never done anything for me but give me grief. Four: If I were to agree to anything having to do with you, that would turn me into nothing more than another silly girl who'd do anything for Draco Malfoy."  
  
Draco was taken aback. It was a privilege to be one of Draco Malfoy's groupies!  
  
"And, newly added due to the new information, Five: Would we be able to play something off like that to the school once you turn around and announce that you're engaged to Blaize?"  
  
"I was planning on something along the lines of Broadway-quality theatrics."  
  
"So much for Slytherin cunning."  
  
"Well, up until recently, I was going with the 'win her heart, and then break it' idea, but I thought better of it."  
  
"I'm touched. But I'm still not going to go along with it."  
  
"Anything I could do to change your mind?"  
  
"Get Neville to forgive you for all the horrible things you've done for him."  
  
"Longbottom?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Anything else I could do to change your mind?"  
  
"I'd tell you to apologize to all the Gryffindors, but it would be too easy."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"And don't go writing a silly letter to him, too."  
  
"Damn you, Granger. Damn you and the horse that brought you here."  
  
"I don't have a horse."  
  
"It was a joke." Gryffindors have no sense of humor.  
  
Granger rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'll find out about it soon enough. If you do manage to have him forgive you, Neville will be sure to tell everyone all about it."  
  
"Right. So, is there any specific time you'd want me to pop the big question?"  
  
Granger made a face at him. "If I don't find out about it from Neville, warn me in private before trying anything." With that, she turned and walked away.  
  
"Just make sure to look your best in a day or two!" Draco called after her. "I don't want to make a temporary fiancé out of anyone looking like they've forgotten to brush their hair for the past week!"  
  
"Do you want to apologize to Ron, too? That'd be even more difficult."  
  
"You're beautiful, Granger. Don't change a thing."  
  
~~~  
  
Draco cursed Granger to a variety of tortures only spoken of at Death Eater meetings upon returning to the Slytherin dormitories. Then he cursed himself to nothing in particular for his own stupidity. He *knew* it was coming, and he didn't do anything to stop it. Neville Longbottom! Why, fate? Why did it have to subject him to such punishment?  
  
Blaise spotted him in the midst of his damning and asked, "Anything wrong, Draco, dear?"  
  
Draco regained his composure and smiled. "Everything's going along just swimmingly, Blaize. Nothing to worry about."  
  
Blaise beamed and went back to whatever she was doing. Draco ran to his room to plot, but he ended up falling asleep before he could think of anything.  
  
~~~  
  
"Today, you will be making a Sympathus Potion," Snape announced to the classroom. "Can anyone tell me what this is used for?"  
  
Granger's hand sprung up, as usual. Snape ignored it.  
  
"Anyone? No?" Snape went on to harass the Gryffindors for a few more minutes, before finally explaining. "Sympathus Potions are used induce a merciful feeling in the person who drinks it. Its effects are similar to that of a Cheering Charm. Now, choose your partners; we will be testing your results at the end of class..."  
  
Draco's heart sang. Thank you, Snape! Snape was the best teacher Hogwarts has had in fifty years! This is just what he needed! Draco departed from the sides of Crabbe and Goyle (they could fail on their own) and moseyed over to where Longbottom was. Thankfully, he was one of few who didn't have a partner yet.  
  
"Be my partner, will you, Longbottom?" Draco asked.  
  
Longbottom paled and searched the room for an escape, but alas, everyone else was with a partner. "All right," he said mournfully.  
  
Draco bordered on gleeful, but then he remembered that Malfoys were not gleeful under any circumstances, so he settled on smug. "Great. Hand me that bottle of lacewings, would you?"  
  
Longbottom obeyed.  
  
They managed to finish their work early, and as a result, they were obliged to test their results early. Draco poured some of the potion in a vial with delight, and handed it to Longbottom. "Here. Drink it. See what happens."  
  
"No." Longbottom looked terrified. "I don't trust you."  
  
"Longbottom," Draco said exasperatedly, "I didn't put anything in it that I wasn't supposed to. This is my grade, too, you know."  
  
"No. You drink it."  
  
"No, you do it."  
  
"Is there a problem, gentlemen?" Snape slid up to the two of them. "Longbottom?"  
  
"There's nothing wrong, Professor," Draco said before Longbottom could manage anything out of his gaping mouth. "We were just getting ready to test my potion."  
  
"I see. Please continue."  
  
"Here you go, Longbottom." Draco shoved the vial in Longbottom's face.  
  
"Y-You said you were going to drink it, Malfoy," he managed.  
  
And just like that, Snape went from the top of Draco's Like List to just in front of Dumbledore. Longbottom was miles behind from there. "Er- that's right. Sorry." And he downed the potion in one gulp.  
  
The Sympathus Potion was, of course, perfect in every way. Draco immediately felt a serene, peaceful feeling overcome him. "How do you feel?" Snape asked.  
  
"Pretty good," Draco said.  
  
"Step on his foot, Longbottom. Give it a good hard stomp."  
  
Longbottom did so without question. Hard. Draco winced, but then again, it wasn't that bad...  
  
"Sorry," Longbottom said.  
  
Draco smiled benignly at him. "Think nothing of it. Nothing to worry about."  
  
Snape marked an "A" in a little book, commanded Longbottom to go back to the Gryffindor half of the classroom, and moved on to criticize the other students' work.  
  
Once class was over, Draco called Longbottom over to him. He still looked hesitant of him, but he couldn't imagine why. "I have something to ask you," Draco said.  
  
"What is it, Malfoy?"  
  
"Well, I realize that I've been pretty awful to you over the years since I've met you." And he did, too. Oh, he was terrible. How could anyone pardon him for what he's done, especially Neville? "I wanted to apologize."  
  
"You're still feeling the effects of that potion, aren't you?"  
  
"No. Well, yes, but that doesn't matter. I've wanted to say I'm sorry since even before that. Will you forgive me?"  
  
"Oh." Neville thought for a moment. "No, I won't forgive you."  
  
"Why?" Out of the corner of his eye, Draco spotted Pansy Parkinson walk by, but he didn't pay any attention. "Please, Neville, you have to forgive me! I swear I won't ever be so cruel to you again; I'll do anything!"  
  
"Anything?"  
  
If it wasn't for his inability to control himself, Draco would've shut his mouth ages ago. But things were beyond his control from the get-go. "Of course!" he said. "Anything."  
  
Longbottom grinned at him. It would turn out that he had a sadistic streak, as well. "If you kiss a Hufflepuff that doesn't like you in front of everyone at lunch, then I'll forgive you."  
  
Draco could feel the effects of the potion wearing off very quickly now. It was replaced by a sense of dread.  
  
Longbottom blinked. "You weren't serious, were you?"  
  
"Yeah, I was." Draco said, and headed off to lunch despairingly.  
  
~~~ 


	3. Chapter 3

Reasons Why Arranged Marriages Are Bad Ideas By: Emiko  
  
{Part Three}  
  
Author's note: For the sake of entertainment, the Malfoy family will be tweaked to become a great deal sillier than their normally rigid selves. With the exception of Draco, of course, who will remain just as wonderfully sarcastic and slightly whiny as usual, or at least I'll try my best to make him so in the midst of all the silliness. ^.^ Forgive any OOC-ness, but any flames will be used to further propel the upcoming... funny stuff.  
  
~~~  
  
Never before had Draco's hate for the Gryffindors reached such heights.  
  
Draco scanned the crowded Great Hall for all those who really needed to be there when he did what he had to do. Blaise, of course, was chatting with some other Slytherin girls and occasionally glancing over in his direction. Very good. Granger had her head buried in a book with a sandwich in one hand. She was sitting with Potter and Weasley as usual, but also right next to Longbottom. Also, very good. Now, for a decent Hufflepuff.  
  
...One that didn't like him? That took out just about every girl that was in Hufflepuff, except for perhaps the ones he offended more than usual. But even then, Hufflepuffs were a forgiving sort...  
  
And there, walking towards the Hufflepuff table like a ray of light was beaming down upon him, was Justin Finch-Fletchley. As much as he didn't like it, Draco knew that this was exactly what fate -no, Longbottom; fate was what you called it when you didn't know the name of the person screwing you over- had condemned him to. He seemed to recall insulting the Mudblood several times over the whole petrifying incident back in their second year. There was no way he could like him much. Draco gathered his courage and headed towards him.  
  
Fletchley spotted him approaching and stopped dead in his tracks, obviously weary of whatever sort of joke or comment he was going to be the butt of.  
  
"Hallo, Fletchley," Draco said.  
  
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Fletchley asked wearily.  
  
"Er, just..." Draco swallowed hard. "Look, nothing personal, all right?"  
  
And, with a final glance over at Longbottom to make sure he was watching, Draco grabbed the sides of Fletchley's face and pulled him forward.  
  
The Great Hall went silent.  
  
Fletchley shoved Draco away coughing and sputtering. Draco wiped his mouth more than once. The Mudblood finally collected himself and said, "Malfoy, you sick fuck."  
  
"It wasn't exactly enjoyable for me, either, Fletchley. You're a terrible kisser." A few Ravenclaws sniggered despite themselves. Snape struggled against falling out of his chair. "Go back to your lunch. I'm done with you."  
  
Fletchley ran. Draco strolled. Noise in the Great Hall had increased to a soft murmuring, with the exception of Pansy Parkinson, who had let out a loud wail and was sobbing into her plate. A couple of girls sitting next to her were obliged to pat her on the back halfheartedly, but they looked just as shocked as everyone else. Draco sat down next to Crabbe and Goyle, ignoring their confounded expressions and Blaise's barely-stifled laughter farther down the table.  
  
"Did you catch all that, Longbottom?" Draco called.  
  
Longbottom nodded vigorously and turned to explain everything to his fellows. Hermione stared at him, then stared at Draco, then went back to her book. Draco caught her brushing out her hair with her fingers several times during lunch after that. It gave him an odd satisfaction to know that she was a Draco Malfoy fan like everyone else, even though not in public.  
  
~~~  
  
The rest of lunch went by without incident. The rest of the Slytherins sitting near Draco made sure not to involve him in conversation, but he wasn't worried about that. He would brush off all of the insanity from today, including all that was about to happen, as a weird side-effect from an ingredient Neville put in their potion that he wasn't supposed to.  
  
The Dynamic Trio left the Great Hall with a crowd of other students, and Draco followed with a brief nod to Blaise. He caught up to Granger where she separated from Potter and Weasley and headed off to Arithmancy. He had the same class as her, and could've proposed to her then, but Blaise wanted this to be public.  
  
"Granger- er, Hermione!" Draco called.  
  
Granger stopped brushing at her hair (she had very little success with it, anyway, so it was probably best to just give up now) and stared at him. "What do you want?" she said, sounding just a little irritated.  
  
This had to look authentic. Draco took one of the hands that were clutching her books so tightly and held it. "I need to ask you something."  
  
"On your knees, Malfoy," said Granger through gritted teeth.  
  
Draco obeyed begrudgingly. "Hermione Granger, will you marry me?"  
  
A collective gasp sounded in the hallway. A few students questioned Draco's sanity. Potter yelled, "What?" and Weasley marched right up to Malfoy, rolling up one sleeve of his robe as he did so.  
  
"Now, see here, Malfoy-"  
  
"Just wait, Ron," Granger stopped him with her books in his face. "Let him say what he wants to say."  
  
Weasley muttered something unintelligible.  
  
Granger looked back at Draco, who was feeling just the slightest bit sheepish. "Why should I marry you? Aren't you engaged to Pansy?"  
  
No one questioned her statement. It was old news.  
  
"Well, yes, I am," Draco said. "But that's not because I want to be. You're the one I really love."  
  
"Do you really love me, Malfoy?"  
  
"Of course I do. I love you more than anything in the whole world!"  
  
Weasley's face turned scarlet.  
  
"And how do I know this isn't another prank of yours?"  
  
"You have my word that I would never, ever hurt you again." All sheepishness was gone with the last bits of Pansy Parkinson's sanity. "Hermione, if it would make you happy, I would send you roses every day. I'd go to the ends of the earth just to make you smile!"  
  
"What about a ring?" she asked, a few laughs escaping her despite herself.  
  
"I'll get one! The most beautiful ring money can buy."  
  
"What about snogging other people in public?"  
  
"A bout of temporary insanity, I assure you. It'll never happen again."  
  
Granger grinned down at him. "Then there's nothing I can really argue with. All right, Draco Malfoy, I'll marry you."  
  
Weasley fell backward in a dead faint. Potter caught him with some difficulty, and took up protest where Weasley left off. "Hermione, you can't do this. This is Malfoy we're talking about here!"  
  
"It's all right, Harry," Granger said. "Draco's going to get me a ring and everything."  
  
Draco almost felt sorry for Granger's friends. Apparently, she didn't bother to warn them of what was going to happen.  
  
"He's going to walk me to class, as well. Make sure Ron's okay for me, Harry!" Granger dragged Draco off to Arithmancy, leaving Potter holding Weasley with a bewildered look on his face.  
  
~~~  
  
Arithmancy consisted of a surprise quiz, several notes passed to Draco asking about his behavior today, which he did not answer, and one or two combination sarcastic-smile-and-wave moves from Granger, which Draco was obliged to return.  
  
By the end of class, just about everyone in the school knew about what he'd done. Most of the girls looked at him with downright contempt as he passed them in the hall. Thankfully, Granger had already gone off somewhere. Draco preferred her not to be around to torture her, anyway.  
  
He was abruptly pulled by the back of his collar into an empty classroom. "What the-" Draco started, but then saw that it was Potter who yanked him, and was now giving him a glare that would have made nearly everyone who wasn't a Malfoy shrink away in fear.  
  
"What are you playing at, Malfoy?" demanded Potter. He was holding his wand in one hand, Draco noticed- did he plan to hex him?  
  
"Put your wand away, Potter." When Potter didn't comply, he said, "I didn't do anything that Granger didn't agree to. Now, put that away."  
  
He finally did so, slowly and insolently.  
  
"Thank you, scar-head."  
  
Potter obviously wasn't one for niceties, because he only glared harder. Draco ignored it.  
  
"Where's your lackey, Weasley?"  
  
"He's in the Hospital Wing. He fainted because of that stunt you pulled. And he's not my lackey."  
  
"Granger helped, now, don't forget that."  
  
"Why? Why would she? You threatened her, didn't you? I swear, if you did-"  
  
"Take it easy Potter!" Draco threw up his hands. "She was doing me a favor."  
  
"A favor?"  
  
"Yes, that's what I said."  
  
"What did you do so that she owed you a favor?"  
  
"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss it." Draco wiggled hid eyebrows at Potter and sashayed out of the room, leaving the remaining boy speechless. Oh, the satisfaction of tormenting others.  
  
~~~  
  
Draco's House ignored him for the rest of the day. He eventually got sick of it and made an announcement in the Slytherin common room that evening. He didn't have to call them to attention or anything; they all looked at him already with a sort of collective glare.  
  
"I would like to announce," Draco said, "That my actions today, however unforgivable, were the result of an ingredient accidentally added to a potion Neville Longbottom and I were working on. Maim him as you wish."  
  
Several Slytherins slipped from the room. Satisfied, Draco went into the girls' dormitories to look for Blaise. He found her in her and Pansy's room.  
  
"Out, Pansy," he said.  
  
"No," Pansy nearly shrieked. "If you think for one minute that I'm going to put up with this kind of crap from you once we're married, and then listen to you try to boss me around-"  
  
"I'm not marrying you. I'm marrying Blaise."  
  
Pansy turned a frightening shade of white that clashed with her bright blue makeup.  
  
"Now, out," Draco said again. "Out, or I'll commit further acts of insanity which may involve even more marriage proposals."  
  
She scowled at him and stomped out of the room. Then Blaise turned around from her desk and said, as if she hadn't heard anything at all, 'I've finished the letter, darling."  
  
"Good. Send it. I don't care what it says."  
  
"But-"  
  
"I've suffered so much humiliation today that I'm quite past the point of caring. Just make sure it gets sent tonight, please."  
  
Blaise shrugged, grabbed her cloak, and headed for the Owlry. "I think you've scarred poor Pansy for life."  
  
"Damn, I hope so."  
  
~~~  
  
The flurry of owls around Draco the next morning was even more blinding than ever. Draco took all the letters and tied all the Howlers to the owl that he assumed belonged to Justin Finch-Fletchley (Fletchley had sent him a Howler, as well), and dug through the remaining letters for word from his father. He found it and read it excitedly.  
  
"Dear Draco,  
  
"Your mother and I have received the letter from Miss Zambini about your engagement to her. However, we have also received a surprising announcement from Mr. and Mrs. Parkinson.  
  
"They say that, based on the information from their daughter, they have decided that they have no desire to make a young man with such disturbing conduct such as yours a permanent member of their family. We will discuss the meaning of this in person the next time you return home.  
  
"Your father, "Lucius Malfoy"  
  
Draco folded the letter carefully and put it in his pocket. He would not jump and shout for joy. Malfoys did not jump and shout for anything.  
  
He looked over at the Gryffindor table. He'd sent Granger another present, just to see how Weasley would take it.  
  
She picked up the tiny package dropped by the owl, stared back at Draco for a split second, and broke out into a huge smile. Her teeth really weren't as bad as they used to be. Granger tore open the package and revealed the engagement ring inside. It wasn't exactly the best money could buy -just a hundred Galleons or so- but she seemed very pleased with it nonetheless. Everyone around her goggled, and Weasley fainted again.  
  
Then, Granger suddenly jumped up and declared, "I have here a very expensive engagement ring given to me by a Mr. Draco Malfoy. We'll start the bidding at five Knuts."  
  
Several girls (and some boys) leapt from their seats and shouted prices at her. Potter's head hit the table from laughing so hard. Granger ended up selling the ring for only seven Sickles to some Ravenclaw girl, although she'd gotten several offers much more generous.  
  
Blaise glanced over at Draco. "Why don't I get an engagement ring?" she asked.  
  
"Because you didn't ask for one." Draco replied.  
  
"Well, I am your fiancé. I think I deserve one."  
  
"No, you don't, because I'm not marrying you."  
  
"Are you marrying Granger?/i?"  
  
"I'm not marrying anyone." Draco smirked and flashed the letter from his father. "No one. Worship me. Just worship me. Then I might think about it." With that, he blissfully went back to his stack of love letters.  
  
~Fin~  
  
Many thanks to my BETA-reader, the loveable and worship-able Shinigami no Tenshi. Thank you, ST-chan!  
  
R&R, please! 


End file.
